I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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