My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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