Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
my liver is dry heaving
Dicks are not precious.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
