i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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