If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
