the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
