I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
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my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
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She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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