I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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