I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
