eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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