A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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