Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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