Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
