Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
