Who did Billy Mays play for?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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