May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
