He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
