He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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