I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
