you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
