Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
