wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
