I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
wow bdsm is so cute
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
