God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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