the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
