I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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