i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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