So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
