You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
