I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
