Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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