How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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