Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
