Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
