i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There's always time for handjobs
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
