pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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