Someone shit on the floor
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
