dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
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