new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
