My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
