Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
should my penis look like a turkey
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
