dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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