do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
