Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
