If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
