I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
