He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
