Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
