Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
