u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
