Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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