i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
