Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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