I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
