But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
