I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
