You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
