So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
ugly people sure do ruin things
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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