today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
