She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
