Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
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He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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I don't want my vagina anymore.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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