Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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