Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
