so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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