if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
