You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
