Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
